woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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