I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to have your abortion
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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