worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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