Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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