Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
