I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
