he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
