This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
