I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
