guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
