My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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