sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
