we have officially lost it.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize