My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
