guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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