He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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