Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
