dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
