Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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