sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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