I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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