I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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