the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
