Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
