I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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