It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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