Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
