i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Nobody cheats on THIS.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
