he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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