also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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