he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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