I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
