my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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