And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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