Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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