I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
