There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
