not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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