if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You ate ashes out of my bong
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
