I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
