Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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