Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I did not marry a roomba.
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