I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
