It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
