I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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