He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
