some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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