if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
