Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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