If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
