everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
