When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
