i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How external is "for external use only"?
This baby is an asshole
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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