Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
