Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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