road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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