I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
