So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
