Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
