I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize