i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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